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One of my friends who recently got married is undergoing relationship problem. He has almost decided to divorce. I was quite shocked to hear this from him. Relationship problems are quite common among newly married couples. Most of the marriages happening in India are arranged marriages. Compared to other foreign countries where the boy and the girl usually select their partner, in India parents play a vital role in choosing a life partner for their children. This has been both advantage as well as disadvantage. In previous generations the family had more importance because India was full of joint family. But in today’s fast world people are expecting more of nuclear family only. Though there is a standard rule that the boys and girls are free to choose their life partner, they still respect family and parents to let them decide for them. This has been a practice since ages and has also been a successful methodology.
The problem in relationships arises either because of an influence from the foreign culture or because of too much of expectation from both the sides. There is no harm is taking examples from the foreign culture. The problem happens when they try to mix the foreign culture with the Indian culture. Both boys, as well as the girl, lack maturity in relationships. In foreign countries, the first life together to understand each other and then decide if it will work out or not. But the culture is quite different here and it is very difficult to adapt to such a culture.
Problems in a relationship happen because of several reasons. Misunderstanding and overreacting to certain situations becomes one of the biggest problems in relationships. The couple after getting married, they still like each other but based on certain experiences they have with each other and likes and dislikes, they decide if it will work out or not. Usually, problems surface only based on a simple fact. There will not be any complicated expectation from both the ends. But when one person refuses to fulfil another person’s expectation, the first problem will surface. Anything from there is interlinked and they always end up fighting and arguing about the first conflict they had.
The problems can be easily solved if both the individuals are ready to give a third person perspective to the problem. A third person will be able to stand in both the situation and try to understand their problem individually. Similarly, both the individual should be ready to address the issue in the other person’s perspective. Most of the problems can be easily sorted if they try to understand how the situation is effective the opposite person. They can even try being in the opposite person’s situation and understand how difficult it would have been. When arguments are continuously happening this will not strike their mind. They will continuously try to defend their point alone.
Usually, if we go for counselling sessions, it gives a good third-person perspective. When the couple is talking about the negative aspects of their relationship, again and again, they will end up forgetting the positive things. There might be lots of positive things or reasons why they have to be together. But whenever a fight happens all the positive things will go away from the mind and only the negative and hurt moments will stand in the mind. This is where a third person can really help by reminding and talking about the positive aspects again and again. Thinking about the positive aspects can give a different perspective on the problem and the couple can even end up starting everything fresh instead of revolving around the same circle of blame game again and again.
Most of the problems are because they both react to whatever is being said instead of responding to what is discussed. The response that is provided can be sometimes less offensive than reacting to the words or statements or blame provided by the opponent. This will only add more fuel to the fire and there will not be any positive outcome to it. If one person is taking the sword, the other person should be ready to take the white flag. If both the parties take the sword in hand, the fight will end up hurting one person severely.
When one person is uttering lots of negative words, it will be highly provoking for the other person to immediately react. But if you try and learn patience at that point and just respond to what you are asked, the relationship problems can be easily handled. If you find some statements offensive you can talk to your partner when they are in a different mood instead of reacting immediately. This will definitely help for a long-lasting relationship. Breaking up is very easy. It will hardly take only few minutes to breakup with someone. But it will take years to create bonding in a relationship. Request everyone to think at least a 100 times before breakup.
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